The future of Europe

I felt like thinking 15 years into future this evening.

In the year 2020:

1. Great Britain politically has left Europe: Due to its historical role it feels closer to the US and the majority of its inhabitants have just voted to become the 51st state of the United States. The other European countries still resent Britain to have thrown back European unification efforts for years due to the British NO to the European Constitution referendum.
   
2. Political ties between Europe (with the exception of Great Britain) and the US have loosened more and more over the past 15 years. The NATO still exists but has lost a lot of its former relevance.
3. The UN have not yet recovered from its credibility loss in regard to genocides (like in Sudan in the beginning of the 21st century) and other genocides which were not declared as such. Actual genocides were not declared as such since none of the industrialized countries was willing to spend a reasonable sum of money nor soldiers to prevent these genocides. The UN (like the NATO) is paralized. Military actions against genocides are currently only conducted if power supplies in the US are threatened.
   
4. A European defence Ministery exists but there never was a sufficient majority of votes of the European member states voting in favor of military actions in the European neighbourhood. Millions of humans in African countries had to die for this reason. The European political and military heavyweights argue that it's been a failure of the UN.
5. Asia, Europe and Eastern Europe have made progress in regard to scientific, economic and employment aspects. The US has still to recover from its financial burdens arisen from its Armed Forces and its defence efforts against terrorism in the past years. While the US concentrated on the modernization of its military the other industrialized countries spend comparatively more money into research areas.
6. Some settlers, scientists and private investors from all over the world build up a permant station on the moon. US space pioneer Burt Rutan and his company Scaled Composites laid the basis for this. NASA, ESA and NASDA were unable to fulfill the job effectively since they were governmental institutions gulping billions of dollars without using them efficiently. Space development was thrown back for years due to this ineffectiveness as fact-finding committees unveiled.
   

Mean talking about Ronald

Ok... it's mean what I'm gonna say. You see... that's a bad habit of mine !!

I mentioned my friend Ronald the other day. Well, Ronald has a funny surname. And his surname is his real surname but it's so common (like Miller) that I can tell it here. No problem. Besides, Ronald is a funny guy himself... he always makes fun of himself so he won't mind.

His last name is Dumbfield. Yep... it's true! Now, what I always wondered but didn't dare to ask him: What's 'field' to do with 'dumb'?? Or have you ever seen a 'dumb field'? That doesn't make sense at all - and I've thought that for all the years that I know Ronny now.

But then it hit me lately: Ronny mentioned one day that some of his male European ancestors who at times became soldiers had actually little luck as such. As the story goes they usually didn't manage to see the end of the respective war in good health. They are even said to have not been of great use for their respective warlords. So... maybe as a kind of self-punishement or result of their embarassement, maybe because their former warlord forced them to, they adopted 'Dumbfield' as their family name.

Having the martial background of his ancestors in mind the riddle about my friends' surname is certainly easy to unveil: I'm pretty sure now that his ancestors were not very successful or lucky in the field of war. So... to be 'dumb in the field' explains itself: It's simply someone who is a little dumb in the handicraft of war.

Second clue for my assumption: the word 'field' from his name means actually 'feld' in German. So, a guy who was said to be 'in the field' was actually taking part in some kind of war. Funny, isn't it? Why didn't they just say: He's taking part in a war. Instead they hid his true profession by saying: He's 'in the field'.

Must ask Ronny next time we meet if my assumptions are right !

Sales and gains

A fairy tale: A sales manager once watched some of his subordinates selling some precious device. Let's say it was an expensive TV set.
He casually contentedly dropt the words: That's good for sales.

A guy, looking pretty similar to me, happened to watch the scenery and thought to himself: Is he talking seriously or is he just talking about his penis size? I always thought there was a difference between sales and gains.

But then he imagined the manager talking to one of his fellow collegues and the way people tend to show off in the presence of peers. Maybe he'd drop a line like: Boys, the sales of our branch was the biggest this month - and turning to them with a grin on his face: ...sorry for you loosers. His penis size would grow into higher dimensions.

The observer then wondered if the gains of this manager would justify his obvious arousal. He just hoped for him that it wouldn't be just a droplet. Would be too embarrassing, wouldn't it?!!

Lyrics of "Zruck zu dir"

Following is a free translation of the lyrics.
The prehistory is here: A song came back to me

*******************************************

Hallo Klaus (I wü nur zruck)

[Woman singing]
I don't know what had happened, I guess he'd been boozed again,
maybe I complained, maybe I angered him...' don't know anymore.
To talk hooey.. he loves a lot and I don't keep back either,
I quickly back talk at him and we both act up.
It's been more than a week now, can't stand it anymore - without him,
I'll call him now and when he answers the phone, I'll tell to him:
Hi Klaus...

• I wonna come back to u, I just wonna come back to u !
• Can u forgive me once more, I have much, so much to rue.
• I realized: I was a fool, I just wonna come back to u.
• I wonna come back to u, I just wonna come back to u !
• I realized: I was a fool, I just wonna come back to u.

I can't live like that, can't keep my balance,
I can't stand it, I wonna give in,
At daytimes I go mad, at nighttimes I'm awake,
I snivel so much that my eyes are swollen.
Allright, I'll buck up, I won't care about pride,
I'll call him now in my pain.
He won't call for sure since he doesn't have a heart,
but I'm simply not made from wood.
My hands are shaking as I dial his number, hopefully he'll be at home.
I tell to him: Hi Klaus ! It's me, your mouse !
...in a moment I think I'm dreaming: [Man singing]

• I wonna come back to u, I just wonna come back to u !
• Can u forgive me once more, I have much, so much to rue.
• I realized: I was a fool, I just wonna come back to u.
• I just wonna come back to u, I just wonna come back to u!
• I realized: I was a fool, I just wonna come back to u.

7 inch record:

A song came back to me

I was watching ski-jumping on channel 1 (ARD) during lunch today. I didn't realize at once but then some tantalising sounds crept into my ears from the background of the transmission and made me desintegrate onto the floor into some molecular residuals. Initially I couldn't assemble the single audible snatches which made me pretty nervous as the song - where these heavenly sounds belonged to - could end any second.

I didn't listen anymore to what this annoying reporter was talking about in the foreground. I know, he was just doing his job... but hell... couldn't he be a bit more sensitive??!

I continued my quest by trying to understand some lyrics but was't very successful under the circumstances described. I couldn't even figure out if it was English that this woman was singing or if it was German. For all you guys out there who ain't owners of a German tongue: Of all songs to be on the air I would estimate that at least a share of 60% is sung in English.

However... after some more enthralling seconds I was able to recognize some German snaches. Well... sort of to be correct... it was just a kind of German.

Do you guys have many dialects in your countries?? Well, we're having at least 5 major dialects out there (Bavarian, Swabian, Saxon, Hessian and Low German). Most of them can be understood more or less well, especially if they're spoken in their moderated form. For not to produce any misunderstanding: Normally these dialect speaking people just do this extensively at home or in the countryside. So... no problem to get your beer speaking normal German anywhere in Germany.

The heavenly sounds that reached my conchas was a kind of moderated 'Bavarian'. Lucky me!! Other than a moderated Bavarian poses a real challenge to every common German ear, meaning: You wouldn't understand a single word of it !!

The rest of the story is quickly told: I picked up some words... (which were "i will nur z'ruck zu dir"), threw it into www.google.de and there we are: The title of the song is I wü nur zruck (in common German: Ich möchte zurück (zu dir)), translated into English it's I just wanna be back (together with you). Its alternative moronic title is Hello Klaus (...no comment about this idea).

Ok... sounds pretty corny doesn't it??! Well... that's the secret of these damned moderated dialects... they sound just so sweet you know??! They might tell to you: "You're an asshole" but to your ears it sounds as if they say: "You're a cool dirty guy, you know!" Dang !! They turn a reasonable thinking person into a fool. Strange, isn't it??

The song was originally sung by a man and a woman called Nickerbocker and Biene back in 1982. 'Biene' means 'Bee' or 'Chick'. They alternate in singing which makes really sense and well... is so great, you know?!

Singer, year & title:
Nickerbocker and Biene, 1982: Hallo Klaus (I wü zruck)

Bike theft in Biketown

Münster is not only the town of bikes but has also some reputation among its bikers for being the town of bike thefts. There's probably not a single biker in town who wouldn't have a stolen bike on his casulties list. Naturally, I'm no exception to that rule. I personally have one accomplished bike theft on my casulties list and one attempted.

About the accomplished bike theft:
According to Murphys Law I'd just finished the repair of my bikes' brakes the other day (for reasons described here). There happend to be a political rally on a nearby spot the very next day. But not only politics was at work that day: As a strike against democracy and and the free world in general, my beloved bike (that I had bought for little money and which was ridable like a dream) got stolen !!

Obviously and without any reasonable doubt, any clear thinking individual would come to the conclusion, that some other individual, in common terms called 'thief', and belonging to a country that again belonged to the axis of evil, must have comitted this crime. I don't know if this is right since the notorious axles seem to be moving around pretty much.

However, I called a fatherly friend, let's call him Ronald (who is known for knowing much about axles) shortly after and he confirmed to me that my confirmedness was absolutely correct, especially since it perfectly fitted into the political correctness situation. Ronald also told me a lot about time and parallel continents. Europe is said to be such a parallel continent, if I remember right. Some of its inhabitants live in the New Europe, some in the Old Europe. It's actually too demanding for me but from what I understood it must have to do with physics. Well, Ronald continued mentioning that Sources from the Pentagon would certainly assert my position and that even a connection with Al Qaeda was imaginable.

At this point I got pretty much scared about this news and decided not to ask any further.

About the attempted bike theft:
Some time later, the leaves were green again, I got this old bike from the 1950s from some retired fellow. The bike looked real great if you love those old machines from the first half of the past 20th century. It had a huge front lamp (almost as big as a car front lamp of those days), a nice huge but uncomfy leather saddle and a big dynamo and a hand brake that wouldn't work properly.

Actually, its only disadvantage was that it woudn't ride since there was something wrong with its chain and the nave. I decided to dismantle the usable or historically valuable parts at some later point of time.

Now, I had moved to another place in the meantime and that bike got stolen after a party right in front of my new home. I assume, this time it must have been a collegiate thief because he didnt know his business well: As I said, the bike was actually un-ridable. And it was virtually impossible to attach the chain to the cogs. Having this in mind, I was very relaxed watching out for the bike in the morning.

And indeed: Just looking around the corner, I saw my old babe leaning peacefully against a hedge some 50 metres away. As I arrived, I was not little amazed: The chain was really attached to the cogs, it looked damn tautly, but there was no denying it: It was properly mounted.

I said to myself: "Wow... well done !!" I was really surprised.

As there was something wrong with the nave... the wheel just wouldn't turn. However, being there and seeing this chain properly attached I thought: "Why not give it another try?!"

Ok... I put my foot onto the pedal, gave some load to it... and bent the big front cog at once which was obviously made from some inferior after-war material.

Until this day I wonder why the thief did not bend it before me...

Biketown Münster

Münster, the comfy German town I live in, is often also called 'The Biketown'. Altogether there are about 281'000 inhabitants, suburbs included. About 40'000 of them are students. And students often tend to move around with bikes for obvious reasons. (The favourite means of transportation for this species are bikes and busses.)

To cut it short, there are about 300'000 bikes in town. That's almost 1.1 bike for each biped. I can confirm this myself as I still possess the front lamp, bell and dynamo of an old 1950s bike in addition to my roadworthy bike. I'll come to talk about the 0.1 bike again for some reason later on.

There are basically three different kinds of people in town:

1. the car drivers (bus drivers and truckers included),
2. the bikers and
3. the pedestrians.

So, who do you think is the most influential group among these?? Let me give you a rough sketch of what I'm talking about for to better envision the scenery:

Legend:

Blue thingy = car,

Green thingy = bike,

Orange = bike path,

Undefinable = sidewalk.

Now: The blue thingy wants to turn right. If it's an unexperienced driver or driver from out of town he/she is not used to the presence of those green thingies and most probably will not watch out for them. BAD MISTAKE!

If the driver is lucky, the biker will just make an elegant jump onto his engine hood, curse terribly and get his new bike financed by the driver of the blue thingy.

However, if the driver of the blue thingy is not that lucky the motorist will wake up pretty guilty for the rest of his life. So... you see... that's what drivers fear most. Bikers know this, of course, and therefore keep their speed whenever there is a road to cross.

Pedestrians on the other hand are dumb bikers' food. They never know who they are nor where they are: They tend to turn left or right, turn back and forth, dance around and actually never know when they are on a suicidal path called bike path. BAD MISTAKE!

Frontal crashes between peds and bikers are luckily pretty seldom though (at least in cases when bikes' brakes happen to work). Side crashes and striping crushes even do have instructive benefits as they usually remind the peds to better keep well away from the red bikers' flight path next time. Probably this makes sense since bikers never look back and also dont wear number plates.

To be continued...

Almost forgot everything

• my log-ID
• my password
• the address of blogger.com

Checked for my head... it's still there! Lucky me!!

Possible excuses:

1. No lunch yet.
2. No confirmation page saying: 'You should really write down the following data: (...)'

To start with: Pizza Salami

Outside it's kind of snowing. The flakes are darting down on kamikaze-like-flight-path trying to whiten the ground. However they just don't seem to know how to do it properly. They hit the ground pretty seriously but to no avail. The icy wind actually makes me stay inside and have a good time starting my first blog: To start with (...)

...I just lifted my head and realized that the flakes are taking a (lunch) break. So will I. See ya... (maybe later or never).

On this week's agenda: The best 'Pizza Salami' to be found on the Northern Hemisphere. Address kept strictly confidential for reasons of logic: There're just a few tables in that place.